MLS

We're back, blue bitches, for Season Eleven! Jake and Trey, your boys in blue, are so excited to talk to you about NYCFC's season opener that we're pinching ourselves in the neck to make sure we're not dreaming! We break down every white-knuckled moment of NYCFC's draw against eleven ten of Miami's finest, including the cards that were and the cards that weren't, the beginning of Alonso Martinez' golden boot pursuit, the Gulf of Messi Goals, Mitja's Cristian mission, Jansen's first chjances at NYCFC glory, and the holes in the roster we long desperately to fill. Plus a check-in with the rest of the league, debates on the finer points of NYC bike regulation, and Trey's first sexy little precap of the year for west-coast titans LAFC. Tread carefully if you've already got one yellow card: you've got Blue Balls.